Today's topic of rant: Chain Mail.
I think, as everyone has slightly grown up, I don't get sent them anymore. But, I happened to stumble across on earlier, and my. This was a classic.
"DONT READ THIS. YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEAREST POSSIBLE FRIDAY BY
THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.TOMMOROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. NOW
YOU'VE STARTED READING THIS. DON'T STOP. THIS IS SO FREAKY.
1. say your name ten times.
2. say your mom's...... name five times.
3. say your crushes name three times
4. paste this to four other groups.
If you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday.
But if you read this and do not paste this, then you will have very bad luck.
SEND THIS TO 5 GROUPS IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN
YOU'RE DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH'S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS. THIS IS SO FREAKY BC IT ACTUALLY WORKS!!!!"
I was almost impressed that there were only a few grammatical errors.
But. Seriously? Who the hell writes this crap!? :L
- 'Don't Read This' - Erm, ok? Bit late now.. How about 'Don't Write This'? That would save us all some times
- Ooh, I'll be kissed on Friday? Sure. Because people who can see the future spend their life doing this, rather than winning the lottery.
- Tomorrow will be the best day of my life? But what about next Friday?! I thought I was going to be kissed randomly by the love of my life, and if tomorrow is the best day, then I'll have to beat that, so maybe I'll be having fully fledged sex tomorrow with the love of my life, but even then, if tomorrow's the best day of my life, then surely life is just gonna go downhill from here on in anyway?
- Again, if you wanted me to stop reading, then don't write the rest of the paragraph. Christ almighty, I do wonder sometimes.
- OK, I'll say my name 10 times, but if someone comes into my room and I'm repeating my name to myself, then I think there'll be some questions I gotta answer.
- Why only 5 times?! What will this accomplish anyway, what has my mum* got to do with this?!
- OK. My crush or the love of my life? Or my mum? Who are we even talking about by this point?
- Fuck off! I'll do whatever I like with this passage of nonsensical instructions. Blimey, if I knew there were conditions to this, then I wouldn't have signed up!
- OK, we're back to my crush now? This coming Friday yeah? So, what's happening tomorrow now?!!
- "If you do not read this.." - BIT FUCKING LATE FOR THAT, NO? ¬_¬
- Oh, ok. I'm gonna have bad luck now. At least it's better than being raped by the ghost of little Annie who was murdered by a clown and buried and haunts the dreams of people and kills them and they never wake up. Or something like that.
- What?! It's FIVE groups now?! What the hell. Make up your mind!
- Oh. What? I have a TIME LIMIT NOW? 143 minutes. Nice and random.?
- And, if I press F6, my crush's name will appear. Erm. Yeah. Sure. OK then. I don't think so. Note how people have to post the message before pressing F6? Yeah. Bullshit.
It doesn't work. You know that, I know that, a large proportion of the internet know that, and to all you mindless 12 year old kids who pose like idiots in their profile pictures, write "BFFS :D :D :D <3xxxx" all over their profile who write this crap: Fuck Off.
Thomas has spoken.
Pisses me off.