Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Day 309 - Me.

I'm going to regret writing this, and I'm going to regret publishing it even more.

Most people who read this blog, will, by now, know who I am.

For those of you who don't, I'm Thomas Joy, and I'm 18.

When I think about what I want from life, I suppose, along with everyone else, I want success, happiness and a long life, and so on. But when I think about the present, I wonder what it is I want out of tomorrow? And the day after? And what did I want from yesterday?

I'm not the easiest person to get on with, I know this! I'm a pain in the arse, I talk to much, usually about myself to be fair, and I have an unending talent to push people away.

But ultimately, above all else, it's not that I want people to like me, so much, as respect me enough to put up with me. I've written before about my rejection of the importance of image, and in all honesty, y'know, I'm not the thinnest guy, nor the most attractive, definitely not the coolest, my feet are too big and my eyes can't decide what colour they want to be. My taste in music is questionable to say the least, as is my taste in hobbies.

I'm an all right pianist, I'm no virtuoso by any means. And my composing? In all honesty, it's kinda bland. Mediocre, certainly. Musically, it's nothing special. I like to try and big up what I do, I suppose, because it's what I take the most pride in, though, when I think about it, I don't know why.

What I'm trying to get at here, is just a matter of respect. I don't expect everyone to like me, frankly, I don't think I'd like myself! But don't mess me around. If there's one thing I can't abide, it's being lied to. If you don't like me, if I've done something wrong then have the goddamn fucking courage to tell me. I'd rather argue and feel like I can defend myself than be subject to disdain.

For those of you who don't know, I suppose now is as best time to tell any of you, in the hope that I can help, if ever it's needed. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar, manic depression. I cannot begin to describe how difficult it's been to fight, and in all honestly, I've not always won. But, I'm having hospital treatment for it, in the desperate hope I can be a stronger person. With that, earlier this year, I was diagnosed with OCD. Something I had always joked about, but never actually considered seriously.

When people say stupid things like 'oh I'm so depressed', no offence, but, you have no idea. Depression is not an emotion, it's not a thing that comes and goes trivially. It's a life-long battle that I, and so many others have to face day in, day out. And this blog post, this blog itself is an outlet for that. The OCD is fairly under control most of the time, but, there are times when I freak out. If you've ever been with me, I can't walk on the right of someone if there's nobody on my right-hand side, I'm obsessive about hand washing, I check pockets obsessively, yes, I know.

And frankly, I'm not asking you to like me. All I'm asking is that you don't kick me down all the time. You don't mess me around because I'll always be there to forgive you, y'know what? I won't. Think about what you say before you say it, yeah? I have the same thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams as everyone else. Just because I put on a brave face and laugh off the insults, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

I've only been alive 18 years. But I've met and known some incredible people, people who have touched and shaped my life more than they can begin to imagine, and I'll forever be incredible grateful to them.

And I'm sorry about the rant, but, I guess this all just, needed to be written.

Thank You all, for understanding, at least.
<3

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Day 308 - Justin Bieber

I'm going to keep this as impartial as I can.


You should know by now, that I don't like Justin Bieber.


Having said that, and being on Twitter quite regularly, I thought, OK, y'know what. Let's think about this.
The two fanbases constantly warring with one another are 1Direction's 'Directioners' and Bieber's 'Beliebers'. They are constantly trying to get things trending over each other, usually pathetic things, like '#DirectionersRespect1D' or 'BieberMakesMeWet'. Which is slightly awkward.


However, a few days ago, I saw this article on Digital Spy:
http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/showbiz/news/a376408/one-direction-fans-bully-girl-into-cancelling-zayn-malik-date.html


To quote: 
"By the end of the day, it got a bit too scary. Random girls were abusing me on Facebook. Girls were calling the radio station and giving me s**t. 

"Mothers even called me in tears, demanding to know if I knew where One Direction were because their daughters wanted to meet them.
So, I thought, OK, y'know what. Maybe Bieber isn't as bad as I first thought. To be fair, he evidently has SOME talent, being spotted through YouTube, working his way to fame, and being committed to the cause. He does at least play an instrument, and while he (or his music) might not be my cup of tea, I thought, OK, he does a considerable amount of charity work, and is very suited to his market of teenage girls.


One Direction on the other hand, were just, not. They're autotuned to death, and are, well. Their entire act is based around their image, and again, catering for a very predictable market, screaming young fangirls. Fair play, but, if you're gonna be successful in the music industry, I feel it only right you have a certain degree of talent. And to be honest, none of the members of 1D are actually *that* talented. They were flung together by a man using them for profit, and once they've run aground, the next band'll be along to sing about cute dates and girl and what romantic the boys are. 


So, at this point, all is going well for Bieber in my eyes.


Until Today.


Mr Bieber gave an interview to 'Rolling Stone' Magazine.


To quote:
He isn't sure what political party he'd support if he was old enough to vote. "I'm not sure about the parties," Bieber says. "But whatever they have in Korea, that's bad."
OK. So he identifies communism (well, no, he doesn't, he's half aware of what's going on around him) as a force for bad.


BUT THEN...
He does have a solid opinion on abortion. "I really don't believe in abortion," Bieber says. "It's like killing a baby."

Not too bad, yet?
How about in cases of rape? "Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don't know how that would be a reason.
There it is guys, Justin Bieber has said that 'even rape happens for a reason'My estimations of him, are once again, 0. What a moronic kid. He's 18, he's an adult. He could vote for government, he's one of the most influential planet, and yet, he drives an imitation Batmobile and claims rape happens for a reason.


What an absolute child. I despair.


That's all. Before I get too angry.


<3

Friday, 6 April 2012

Day 307 - Beauty

Bonjour;

So at the moment, it looks like I'm managing to blog every 2 days or so? Which isn't that bad actually. I'm keeping up with some structure I suppose.

I saw a status on Facebook this morning, and, I thought I'd just share it with you all.

"Can everyone please stop 'liking' pictures with captions like "she's beautiful just the way she is" or "he fought for our country therefore he deserves our likes" - the person who posted it clearly just wants attention and they don't really give a shit. If you want to help veterans or disabled people - volunteer or give money to a fucking charity."
And, the biggest applause to what was said.

A very good point is made, though. I suppose you could argue that you're raising awareness for a cause, such as veteran soldiers, or cancer charities, or disability charities, but by clicking 'like', are you really showing your respect? Hmm. Perhaps. Anyway, that's something for you to ponder on!

Now, for those internet-savvy among you, you may have come across Samantha Brick in the past few days. For those of you who haven't, Samantha Brick is probably the most reviled woman on the internet at the moment. Basically, she wrote an article in the Daily Mail saying how she was hated by other women because she was 'so beautiful'.

You can read the article here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124246/Samantha-Brick-downsides-looking-pretty-Why-women-hate-beautiful.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

Now, if after reading that, you're not too angry to read yet more of her bullshit.. she published another article a few days later: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124782/Samantha-Brick-says-backlash-bile-yesterdays-Daily-Mail-proves-shes-right.html

Needless to say, Mrs Brick had pretty much been trending on Twitter for a good few days straight... and some of her more.. shady characteristics came to light. This from The Telegraph:

Minimal reaction, if any, was provoked by the article in which she revealed her husband had locked her in their car until she agreed to change into an outfit he deemed appropriate. The admission, in another piece, that she was “too scared of gaining weight to consider getting pregnant” became proverbial fish and chip paper.Twitter was not troubled by her revelation that she had spent €30,000 on psychics, or that she had divorced her first husband on the advice of one. Nor did it seem particularly inflamed by the news that her second husband had threatened to divorce her if she ever got fat.
Yet, I think this asks an important question. Just what IS beauty? Is it only skin deep? Is it in the eye of the beholder? The answer? Well. Sort of, I don't have one. I suppose the idea of beauty is something open to interpretation to different people. There too lies a significant point, I believe there's a difference between being beautiful and being attractive.

Google Beautiful - Of a very high standard; fair, nice.
Google Attractive - Appealing to look at; sexually alluring.

And I think there's the difference. Sexual attractiveness is, by and large, skin deep. But beauty is not. Beauty takes into account someone's personality, who they are, their soul, not just their appearance.

God knows I have a few Facebook friends who think that they are absolutely God's aesthetic gift to humanity, but that's... well, that's about it. They're totally void of a personality and base their entire life on maintaining a certain image. Like, it's fair play if you wanna look good, I think we all do! But.. when one's image comes before one's person, then I think that's the problem.

I'm not saying that you can't be beautiful AND attractive, because you can, and I know people who ARE very attractive and very lovely! I think, really, we all just need to put this obsession over image behind us. It's no wonder that a lot of girls, from what I've heard, feel the constant need to be so attractive to guys when there remains a certain stereotype of teenage guys (who, are very much real!) who demand such standards.

And, if I'm honest with you girls, I don't know who of you will be reading this, but, I overheard a conversation between 3 guys at school the other day, Year 13 Students at the Forest, who, I won't name.. but it went something like this:

"Ahh yeah, they all think they're fit, but they're not!" - "The only reason guys fuck [her] is because [she's] so desperate, tell her she's fit and she'll let you fuck her."

No word of a lie, people I know are being talked about like that, yet they honestly believe that these boys think they're attractive.

I'm not naming names, and you can ask me all you like, but, it's also not the first time I've heard a conversation like that.

Anyway, on that note, I think I'll stop. I've said my part.

<3

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Day 306 - Say WHAAAT?!

If I was a sassy black lady, this would be my catchphrase: YouTube Link

But, when all is said and done, I'm not a sassy black lady. I'm a middle-class white kid.

I dunno if any of you are YouTubers, but Glozell, is like, who I want to be.

This is her doing the Cinnamon Challenge:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cyk7utV_D2I

LAWL..

So my post yesterday certainly ruffled a few feathers in the internet communities to which I posted the link! I mean, overall, it was positive. People seemed to get what I was on about, but there were a few subtle tweets that I read that was like.. yeah, you're not kidding anyone. I know you mean me.

On the other hand, on the subject of hipsters, hipsters who are nice, who talk to you and can take a joke, I LIKE YOU. You are my lovely hipsters and they make the internet sparkle.

And not like, Edward Cullen sparkle, there are the Twilight hipsters who I will not make allowances for.

Totally just been distracted by the phone and, now I've lost my train of thought.. arghhh.

Has anybody else been watching 'The Voice' on BBC1? What do you think of it? I love it! I LOVE it! So much better than any of Cowell's crap on ITV.. plus, so much talent. :)

What else? OH! I went to see Sweeney Todd in London on Monday, and my GOD! What an incredible show, I had shivers throughout it all, an incredible, if not belated, 18th birthday present; I loved it. So thank you mummy and daddy. I'm posting this before I go and see Dark Dark Dark at Bush Hall in London tonight with Richard, and safe to say, I'm super excited; I booked these tickets months ago, and I've been listening to their music for months, and it's like. I'M GOING TO SEE THEM! :'D

I also, very luckily, got given an organ! I know, not a sentence you'll read every day, and nor am I talking about a biological organ, but a musical organ...
A friend of a friend's dad was needing to get rid of it, and was going to put it on eBay, and, fortunately, someone had heard of me, and my music and they asked if I wanted it! Needless to say, I jumped at the chance, and I'm so glad I did!


Sorry, this post has been a bit all over the place... don't despair, I'll be back to ranting soon.

I love how people have sort of flocked back to my blog as I've started writing again! You're all so lovely.

Here, have an asterisk:

*

On a quick note, as I apologise for the sheer shoddyness of this post, go read Robyn's blog - LINK

<3

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Day 305 - Hipster Bashing

Ahh! Tumblr, home of the hipster.

Full of random cupcakes, Starbucks, topless women biting their lips and desperate pleas for attention. And a hefty chunk of instagram photos chucked in for good measure.

OH! What's that? You're all so alternative? Gosh, yes. You must really be able to express your individuality by being the same as the other thousands of users. Pfft.

The irony? Being alternative is probably the most mainstream thing going at the moment! Why does everyone need to PROVE they're different? If you're different, if you're quirky, then that'll show on its own, you don't need to prove anything to anyone. And y'know what, wearing chinos, low-cut tops and fake nerd glasses doesn't make you alternative, or unique, or whatever else you're trying to prove, it makes you as mainstream as every other lost cause trying to prove how different they are!

Y'know what? I'm a little bit different I suppose. Yeah, I enjoy the theatre, classical music, art galleries and quiet intimate gigs, but, like.. and? So? I'm just the same as everybody else like me! Do I feel the need to express my alternativism by blogging about pictures of cupcakes and typing every letter in capitals and putting random symbols and commenting about how I like tea? No. No I don't. I like tea because I like tea. Not because it's cool to a group of people to like tea. I am me for me, not for the benefit of other people.

And to be fair, it's not just Tumblr, it's Twitter, and even Facebook to an extent, let alone in real life! Why do we all feel the need to be so different, so unique? I don't understand.

Like, fair play, if you wanna stand out from the crowd, then you go for it! But, hey, here's a tip, do it in such a way you'll get noticed, stand out from the crowd of people trying so desperately to stand out from the crowd.

So, I'll stop Hipster-bashing now.. and I don't mean to offend anyone, but think people need to get a grasp of themselves. Now, by all means, I am more than aware that I don't have the right to judge people, or tell people how to live their lives, of this, I am more aware. But, this is my blog. This is my little corner of the internet where I can express my opinions. So, there you are.

The whole idea of individuality, the very nature of who one is, our identity is something continually challenged. Our opinions aren't set in stone. Who we are isn't set in stone, different people interpret who we are in different ways. You'll never be everyone's cup of tea (non-alternative bog-standard cup of tea at that, not hipster tea!), but, live your life for you. Ultimately, when all is said and done, we have to face whatever is beyond our life on our own, and if we've not done the living to prepare ourselves for that time, we can only blame one person, and that is ourselves.

Ooh, how very philosophical!

Despite the emergence of YOLO all over the place (You Only Live Once), I definitely subscribe to the mantra that life is for living.. there's no point in living if you don't feel alive.

-------

Anyway, just to keep you updated, EASTER HOLIDAYS! Plenty of exciting things have happened for me already... of which I'll inform you of all soon I've no doubt :'D

<3

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Day 304 - Splurge / The Illuminati

OK. 

I don't know what this post will be about, but I intend to start writing and then write whatever it is that comes to mind. You should be aware too that whatever I write might be vague and censored as to what I feel I want people to know, but, I'll just go for it. I hope you manage to get to the end, but, who knows?

Well, I would do, but Jesus Christ, my computer is running dog-slow.

[Break - I realised I had no inspiration and decided I'd come back to this another time.]


OK I'm back. I've touched on my religious beliefs before in this blog. And it's a touchy subject, so, I won't go too far into it. But. Whatever religion someone stands for, the idea of extremism is one that really pisses me off. People who feel they have the moral authority to preach in such an extreme way, they feel they are superior to others. And it's not just over the big issues, people who feel they have the God-given right to preach over the most trivial things. I have one thing to say to you: Fuck You. 


I'm writing an acoustic cover of 'Crazy' by Gnarls Barkley at the moment (it's a lot more down-tempo and soulful.. I hope..!) And, as I'm listening to it on YouTube, I stumble across this comment: 
This entire song is about the Illuminati/Satan and how we go on with our lives without realizing that they are conspiring behind us. In the end of the Satan, he is dedicating his life to Satan like his "heroes" did.
Gnarls Barkey/Cee-lo green is an obvious satanist and is mocking you! Turn your life to Jesus! He is coming soon and things are gonna get really bad soon (as if it isn't already).
And I think.. Really?!
Are you serious?


So, I took a look at this YouTuber (The Unashamed Movement) and I read some of their other comments. 


On 'Dog Days are Over' by Florence+The Machine:
Read your bibles people! The horses are a reference to the 4 horsemen of apocalypse and dog days actually mean "god days". She is just another satanic artist blinding you from Jesus
On Coldplay, as a band:
 Google Coldplay Illuminati on google images and you'll see Chris Martin covering up his right eye which wouldn't mean anything at all if it wasn't a blatant gesture for someone who has works for Satan/Illuminati.
On Music in general:
I'm not here to listen to the music. I'm here to spread the truth and open someones eyes.You don't have to believe that they work for Satan/Illuminati but I think it's silly to just flat out dismiss without doing research on it. If you just put some time in and you'll see that A LOT of musicians worship Satan and hate Jesus. 
So, as if all this wasn't bad enough, you wanna know something EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS!?

People believe him.

On the comments on his page:


  •  Just want to say that God is thinking about you..enjoy your day!
  • God bless and be with you.
  • Thank you for the comment on my video. Let's keep spreading the truth. God bless.
So, religious fanatics.. I pity you. I pity you and your pathetic little excuse for an existence. 

If you are a religious person, and you believe in God, or whoever, I respect you. I have no problem, I am not anti-religious. I am anti-extremism. I am anti-religious extremism, I'm anti-atheism extremism, I'm anti-political extremism. 

Why can't we all just learn to live and let live?

Peace Out.<3